Ex.pectation

I recently downloaded AIM on my blackberry (thanks to Jason) I had no idea I could do that since I thought being in Canada I was only stuck with MSN on my phone (yuck). Being on AIM via Berry has permitted me to keep in touch with my friends in the US of A so it’s been grand! Last night I got a message from a familiar SN and I almost dropped my phone because I haven’t talked to him in so long, it was my first boyfriend!! My first everything!! He said “heeeeeey beautiful!” and I got super excited because he is one human being that I love love love loveeee very much (not all exes are gross) He is the nicest gentleman I have ever met, so sweet, family oriented and just a great personality all together, I on the other hand was not so excellent to him and I decided to “venture off” as he calls it. We were catching up then comes the killer question “…any new love in your life?”….damn ….soooo we talked about that and then he said “…you ran away from me…why are you always running?! What is it you’re frightened of?” I get super defensive when I’m asked “what is it you’re afraid of” because I’m not scared of anything in particular. I couldn’t make up some BS because he knows me too well so I just said “I don’t know” I have no idea; it could be I’m not ready? Maybe I’m busy? It could be I’m secretly shielding myself from getting hurt, it could be that I sincerely don’t even give a shit about the whole love shadang since it’s not something I am fascinated with, I have seen sooooo many relationships fall short including my own parents to even want to put foot in anything that has to do with “love” things are only oh so grand for a certain amount of time then it all comes crashing down. Ewww I sound so unenthusiastic so he said “maybe you should put aside all the negative energy and let some joy in your life…” I always hated when he was right, so I slept on it and woke up feeling different, the new Nebby is not going to be so blocked off, I can still be the bad bitch that I am and be all lovey dovey at the same time :) I’m not saying this change will happen ASAP but I’m working on making myself an improved individual one step at a time here folks. *This here is him doing what he does best and rubbin down his best friend (lol)