I have a friend who i will call Betsey... Betsey called me today panicking to tell me about the screaming matches/fight[s] she has been having with her "boyfriend" [ I am quoting that term cuz his ass is NOT acting like no damn boyfriend ]. She's worn out, she's tired, she's stressed, she's just bout ready to wave the lil white flag and she can not take it anymore. She has been with this guy for 2 yrs, it's fair to say they have been through a whole lot.
The first thing she said was "please don't judge Neb"...fair, "just try to put yourself in my position"...also fair, now I'm all ears. She warned me because she knows the type of person I am...or should i say can be. I walk away, shit is just not worth it, ain't nobody worth putting extra weight on my heart, losing my damn hair OR breaking out from stress, there are soooooooo many guys out there and forget that, there's so many other things that are worth focusing on. I'm not in any shape or form saying that's the OK thing to do, to each his own, that's just who I AM i tend to walk away from situations that make me uncomfortable, shit that just don't sit right.
It was very hard for me to not come out and just be like "wtf are you even stressing for, leave his stupid ass" BUT i had to play around with words, keep it cool because for one i did NOT want to hurt her feelings [more than they are already hurt] but this guy is just not doing it for her, she says she USED to be happy, she believes in her heart that she can fix it, she can make it work, she can stop the fighting...hmmmm...sure If you feel that way I salute you and i wish you nothing but the best but you just have to know one thing and my mom has been saying this ever since i could remember "One hand can NOT and will NOT clap itself" you don't believe me? go on and try it! you need two hands to clap and just like relationships you need the two people to put in work and make it happen, you cant do all this wearing yourself while the other party is chillin pretending he running shit.Excuse my bad mouth but you know what I mean. I was thinking well if it's worth it, if it's meant to be it will be, if not, LET IT GO!! I am far from a relationship know it all'er but Damn there is no need to hang on to an imaginary rope.
But guess what...I didn't say any of that to her, I know how much she loves him and if she does want to work on it who am i to throw the pussy power talk at her, I told her to do her best to fix what she feels needs fixing to save her relationship and if she is still feeling down, she will know in her heart what to do.
Signing Off,
The Neb
Mad - Ne-Yo
9 comments:
This is exactly what I needed to read waking up this morning, Neb. You sure you're not a prophet? lol j/k but I am currently going thru somethin like that and didn't know what to do cause my heart hurts =/ But thanks for that cause i felt like your friend. Your advice rocks, you should be Oprah for the blogger world. lol
Hey neb! You and I are similar in some ways. Firstly, you're right about walking out on things when they don't dit right. I'll be quite frank with you as well, when I'm in a tough situation like that, its not hard for me to walk away from "relationships." Not cause I could be cold hearted, but cause I'm worth it and I don't need to take shit from nobody! That's one reason why my girls always talk to me about their man problems, they feel that cause I don't make myself feel vulnerable in any sisuation, my advice might help. Now, I'm not a fan of giving out advice, cause everyone does things diff, "I walk away," time is money and you're wasting my time! But I tell my girls how it is. I know they've been hurt and don't need to hear anymore, but at the same time they're asking me for my opinion for a reason. They wanna hear a 2nd view on things. I'm not gonna brush it off, when I should be telling them the real deal. "You're too good for this guy and you could do better. Stop wasting your time!" Now if she chooses to be with him still, then by all means she can do so. But atleast I can say I did my part as her friend and told her shit straight up. That's exactly how I would expect my girls to be towards me, just tell me the real deal, or I wouldn't be asking for your opinion. But then again, everyone is diff. Maybe she's way too sensitive at the moment and can't take in no negative comments. P.s. Sorry for the rant!
If I may, I'd tell Betsey to WAKE UP and SMELL THE DARK ROAST!! It's 2009, women have come a damn far way. There's a bzillion guys out there (fish in the sea, whatev). Why is she putting herself thru this and for this guy? True, some relationships are worth fighting for, but by the sounds of it, he's definitely not doing any fighting FOR her, but against her! Please take her by the shoulders and shake her like a polaroid picture!! THAT'S what friends are for.
no one ever changes to the degree of satisfaction in dysfunctional relationships. He may not yell as often, but he still doesll ye. He may not show his jealousy as freely, but it's still there. I'm really coming to believe that in order to experience change in how you act and react with someone, you have to change the someone. Habits are a hard thing to change, and people are selfish at heart.
And, unfortunately so, just because you love someone doesn't mean you're supposed to be with them. Someone can be a good person, just no good for you.
le sigh
If I had four hands, I would give you a round of applause.
clap clap.
you and her [well mostly her] need a good cryfest with some popcorn and a copy of the american pimp DVD. she'll cheer up instantly once she realizes wot a gwan.
All of you guys opinions are on point but from her crying and being super sad on the phone i didn't wanna crush her feelings, its not that i did not want to tell it how it is or anything of that nature i just wanted her to do what she wants to do, shes not stupid enough to stay where she don't belong, if it works out im more than happy for her if she still stuck between a rock and a hard place then she will know to walk. She will be keeping me updated regardless :)
lol at Oprah for the blogger world, I WISH I GAVE MYSELF GOOD ADVICE LIKE I GIVE MY FRIENDS.
I feel it... In my opinion though... Relationships these days go sour because no one is willing to put forth the work required. I use to have a problem with putting "her" first... she came behind football, the homies, money etc. That lead to believe that, that particular wasn't the one becasue love is selfLESS. Not trying to write a book.
You said the exact right thing, imo. Just based on her opening "Neb, don't judge", it's clear she only wanted you to listen...not to advise. And sometimes, that's the best way to be a friend. Sometimes we've got to wake up and smell the coffee at our own urging...not at anyone else's. Maybe the best way for you to be homegirl's friend is by being there for her when she finally gathers the strength to bounce.
Great post, Nebby.
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