“Why do girls get heartbroken…when their men cheat?” I’m not sure what your definition is of cheating is, but to me cheating on me is when you are involved in an emotional/mental/intellectual connection/relationship with someone else. I’m not condoning getting physical with other women when you are with me, but I do recognize that some men can’t hold out. They NEED it, and sometime I’m just not around, therefore if Joanne wants to suck my man's dick when I’m a different time zone, she can go ahead and do so.
Before you point a finger and call me crazy you must try to grasp how I grew up. I was exposed to dishonesty/deceit at a very young age, unfortunately it made me strongly accept that the majority of men cheat and like my mother, the majority of women get heartbroken. To be completely honest with you, I’m not sure if I have ever been cheated on.
Have I ever caught a boyfriend cheating on me? No
Have I asked if they have cheated on me? No
Do I want to know? Hell no
I don’t think that cheating is right; I actually think it’s very weak, but I don’t think we have control over it . Don't get me wrong tho, as soon as my womanly instinct kicks me in the gut, I'm out.
Back to the question I got from the original question, why is it that most women destroy to pieces when they are faced with such a misfortune. It’s because the majority of women are emotional, love hard, care and when physically involved with ONE person, all plus more is positioned into that specific relationship, sadly but strongly believing that it’s mutual.
If women moved the same way some men do: have one main, some side pieces/jump offs whose faces are sat on and given the wrong number; would hearts still be broken?
Side note: Seeing Eye for eye and tooth for tooth is not the answer, and this doesn’t apply to women who are married because that’s whole new level of commitment.
With Love,
Zineb
26 comments:
Great post!
It's very unfortunate but true at the same time. as women we just do not have control over them fukin other bitches.
to answer ur question i think that if we were doin dirt we would still be heartbroken. it's just a women thing
agreed. men think differently from women. if u cant handle a man gettin his somewhere else good luck finding one who doesnt
I agree completely and everyone thinks Im nuts for it.
however. now that im getting a lil' older, i just dont have that same patience for bullshit. so im single. i think sexual 'cheating' is the least of the worries, its getting emotionally involved thats scary.
aint nothing solid till youre married, even then, theres divorce so...
@Leese: Oh yes we do have control over them. I'll take a scissor and show him how a real HANDJOB feels. I SWEAR TO GOD IF I CATCH HIS ASS WITH SOMEONE ELSE HE WILL BE CRYING TO GOD FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE!!!!!!! Let me call him right now just to be sure!!
Just know, I don't agree with you girls, you are basically making excuses for them, no?
I was actually talking to my brother about this today. I said: "Women think with their hearts not their heads".
He said: "Men don't either, they think with their penises."
I said: "Yeah, but the heart doesn't lose the feeling in an instant..."
I don't condone cheating, I don't ask, I'll just leave. You can fumble and I'll try to support you. You can even fall, but the moment you dive in (no pun intended), you cheat, you give in, you willingly go and choose someone else, I'm outtie. May sound cold hearted, but cheating is.
To answer the question, if you just think with your head (be realistic and only accept/settle for what you will) I don't think you'll be as heartbroken... But there'll always be some damage. Just how women are...
Great post
LMAO anonymous u just had me DYIN lmao!!!
ok no im not makin an excuse for them but i think MOST men (ur a lucky one if u landed one that doesnt) do get things on the side whether its a fuk or a suk it doesnt mean shit to them it's like buyin a new pair of shoes or something, it's crazy i have a lot of guy friends they love the shit out of their girlfriends but they will def sneak a quick thing here n there it's like cheatin on a diet lmao i never cheated on anyone but if i did would i feel guilty if the person i was with was doin the same thing or would i still be pissed..and THAT is the question lol
Anonymiss, i feel the same exact way.do you think our thinking will make us crazier once/if we are married?
I try to explain this to my friends all the time. It's inevitable. Growing up tomboy style and running around with my brothers i learned A LOT about guys. At the end of the day we're all animals with natural urges. IMO females who have guy friends to whom they reveal their deepest secrets or run to for advice over their significant other are cheating as well. Mental and emotional satisfaction is what most women desire....guys just happen to desire physical satisfaction. When was cheated on by my ex, i was hurt, but i was more pissed off that i was wasting my time. Like, for real let me know the happs before you cheat so I can link up with a guy thats actually about something.
Love the post but only agree to a certain extent. I think if a person is willing to cheat on you, they were never worth it to begin with thus stop your crying (might not be instantaneous but don't wallow in your sorrow) and move the fuck on. You shouldn't accept it as a reality and condone the fact. If you are okay with it then keep it open so that you can get yours too without expecting exclusivity when he's not holding you in the same light.
"IMO females who have guy friends to whom they reveal their deepest secrets or run to for advice over their significant other are cheating as well."
--->Really? I have a best friend whom I trust more so than some girlfriends. How does going to a guy friend for advice constitute as cheating?
well, of course! lol, but whats life without a lil' madness!
but really, if we do choose to get married, because of this way of thinking, we will have someone that will know better... hopefully, because we will have weeded out all the rejects. like I'm all about keeping at it till the wheels fall off but really, once im done im done. i dont do begging.
it all really ends up with push and pull, are you willing to go further sexually to not leave any room for a wandering eye? (thats a question for you neb)
you know what would be just great, if i could just have a girl that lives in my closet and comes out for blow jobs when im not around... for real... it would be great if she could clean up a lil' and do my hair too...
this post is so true I agree with you nebby 110 percent. Hey where can I email you about a question I have. its personal? I just start reading your blog & i love it. great job.
I think that men and women are simply socialized differently. The reason women are so emotional when men cheat on them is because like you said, they invest a lot of their time, energy and heart in a relationship. In one of my classes i learned that evolutionary psychologists find a biological imperative and they will justify that women act in this way because a women's only has a sparse amount of eggs, compared to how much sperm men produce in a single ejaculation. Hell..a single male could probably impregnate the female population of Canada or the States. Hence, a woman's eggs are far more precious and they have more of that emotional attachment b/c they want the best male to make babies with lol. Women have the power to pick and choose. On the other hand, men's strategy is to impregnate as many femals as possible w/o emotional constraint, thus men are naturally promisous. Men are also socialized to not show their emotions and feelings. They have been socialized to suppress their emotions because it is unmanly and it is something that 'real men' dont do. Since they don't have to be held accountable for their emotions, they can get away with it . Also, it seems as if there is a general consensus that makes it acceptable for men to cheat. It's something that we attribute men as doing naturally.
so....basically Great Post! It definitely made me think about whether men are naturally promiscuous or are they just seeking attention/sex elsewhere if they're not getting enough of it in their current relationship.
As the saying goes "If he can't get it from you, then he will get it from someone else" This applies to both men and women. Its completely true. I have been cheated on before even when I think Ive done all I can for the man but Men cheat because they can and think they cant get caught half the time. Women we cheat due to lack their of or simply revenge. And women are great at keepin shit on the low and as @Leese said still be mad as shit a man was doin the same ish we do to them. BAOW!
We were havin this discussion at work today and how I look at cheating is "if my partner did the same shit I just did would I be pissed" if the answer is yes, then its wrong.....but having dirty thoughts or even fantasies about someone is that cheating if YOU DONT act on them? lol
I would like to agree with you but the consequences of that would be steep. You say marriage is a whole new level of commitment but a ring doesnt change a man. If other ppl are sucking his dick before you get married, they'd most likely be doing it afterwards. It's no good to set that precedent because it only leads to us bearing most of the burden. First it's "they have no emotional connection, bitch was just a jumpoff so it's ok" then once kids etc are involved it becomes "well he's a good provider/ father so what can I do?
Where do you draw the line?
What you see as a child affects you on a level deeper than we can fathom. If you have seen a lot of deceit from men you look to for guidance and love (like our Daddies) it breeds mistrust and you take that with you in EVERY relationship you have, whether you know it or not. I know from experience that this is true. Better to work that shit out if what you want is a successful long term relationship.
I have a few male friends and while some of them do their dirt, a few of them don't and I trust that they don't because of who they are and the level of respect they have for the women they are with. I think that going into a relationship with the thought that all or most men will cheat is kind of like a self fulfilling prophecy. Sometimes what you consciously or subconsciously put into the ether will come back to you...be it negative or positive. Love and relationships are definitely complex. We shouldn't expect men to THINK like us or feel like we feel, but it's not unreasonable to expect them not to break our trust. We aren't built like men or socialized the way they are and I don't think we should be, but is the "all men are dogs" label really fair to the man who is doing his best to do right because he loves and respect himself and his woman.
Men and women are not just the inverse of one another, we are each others complement. We were made to connect to and complete the other. It can't be that hard to get on the same page...can it?
Sorry Neb...I didn't mean for this to be a book. I think about this alot.
hey it's ok we're always open for discussions.
the same questions you guys have are the same ones that come to my mind. I just got home from watchin the movie 'why did i get married too' and tyler perry was saying how men are not as emotional as women there for cheating is not a connection thanks for "comin" heres 200 dollars but when a women does it it's another level because they are sharing a connection with someone else and not just physical. this subject can be talked about until we are blue to the face, i just pray to God i end up with a good man.
When my man leaves the house i know he's coming right back. I got that good good..
LMAO!!
t.b. the email is on the blog. oursegment@yahoo.com
i honestly thought i was the only person who felt the same way you do about the whole cheating thing.
i've never had the cojones to cheat on a boyfriend but i've been cheated on (although they won't admit it) and that was the least of my worry when it came to being with them.
emotional cheating is a lot more of a low blow than just sex is. and as for women being easily more heartbroken than men - i feel - as if that's because women are so EAGER to become emotionally involved with a man so soon that it almost drives them away. not all - just some. some people just aren't meant to be.
my problem is commitment issues LOL i'm too much of a free spirit to even want to bother with emotional investments.
well put elva!
i agree all men are tempted to cheat, and some will. But i dont agree it's ok 2 let it slide. The main problem wit lettin cheating go when u have ur suspicions or when u jus dont want 2 kno is that at the end of the day deep down inside u wont b able 2 trust the person that ur wit, and u never will if u kno or think they have cheated. So then how can u commit 2 that person in a marriage type of situation. Ie, u believe ur man cheated on u, but ur not sure n dont really wanna kno cuz u were away then ne way, then he asks u 2 marry him would u be able 2 or would u have that nagging feel deep dwn tellin u 2 walk away. IMO there are some men who dont cheat unfortunately they are a minority and hence we wont all get them, so do ur research well b4 committing and then make sure 2 satisfy him at all cost. Sucks but that's the life of the modern woman!
P.s not 2 fill up all the comments, but in my experience i find that the more spiritual/religious the man is the more faithful he'll b. Now im not jus talkin bout the dudes that go 2 church every week, but u kno when ur in the presence of a man who holds himself 2 a greater power. AGAIN these guys are few and far between but they do exist and ive been so fortunate 2 find me one. Good luck ladies =)
The heartbreak of the situation stems from how men and women are emotionally set up. Women aren't as emotional as men; however, their emotions are on the surface, and so they show through. Men are more emotional, but in the attempt to be masculine, hide them deep in their personalities...this is why men always want to go 'an eye for an eye': when you cut him, his emotions bleed. Men cheat to avoid being cheated on first...to show emotion as a man is deemed unconscionable in this society, so they would rather cheat and seem heartless. I don't condone it, and I agree with your definition.
Im sorry, but I dont care if I love you to death. If you cheat on me its over, I feel that such an act is total disrespect. I mean I would never rush anyone into a relationship, so if someone were to ever feel like I wasnt giving my all and that they should find whats missing somewhere else, then they should have just ended it. Somebody commented that the physical cheating doesnt matter. How does it not. With all of the diseases spreading around and all of the mistakes that could happen, lets be serious. I just say if you feel the need to be with more than one person just dont settle down, easy as that.
I agree with Thee Boss. Having multiple sex partners can be a recipe for disaster. If you are in a relationship with me and you decide to cheat, you open yourself AND me to all manner of disease, and not all of them can be cured with a mega dose of antibiotics. Now you can risk YOUR life like that, but don't put MINE on the line. I gave birth to the ONLY person I would risk or give my life for.
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