I was having a conversation with a friend of mine today about men. Let's get one thing straight first. I'm not your typical chic, i know a lot of girls say that but I'm being for real for real I'm VERY different, my brain operates differently, I'm in no way shape or form saying that I'm the only one this way, I have come across some girls who are similar to my character, one of em' being the friend i was having the convo with.
*fast forward*
While we were talking we both came to the agreement that we despise infidelity because it ruins our hopes and the image of true love for us. I like to picture myself being in love, real love, unconditional love, ride or die love and I'm content with how it looks in my mind but with the whole "men will be men" saying floating around like a frisbee it makes it unbelievably difficult to believe and have hope, which leads me to ask...is there hope for relationships???
11/6/09
I hope for hope
I was having a conversation with a friend of mine today about men. Let's get one thing straight first. I'm not your typical chic, i know a lot of girls say that but I'm being for real for real I'm VERY different, my brain operates differently, I'm in no way shape or form saying that I'm the only one this way, I have come across some girls who are similar to my character, one of em' being the friend i was having the convo with.
*fast forward*
While we were talking we both came to the agreement that we despise infidelity because it ruins our hopes and the image of true love for us. I like to picture myself being in love, real love, unconditional love, ride or die love and I'm content with how it looks in my mind but with the whole "men will be men" saying floating around like a frisbee it makes it unbelievably difficult to believe and have hope, which leads me to ask...is there hope for relationships???
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I dont wanna sound like grandma lol but theres someone for everyone.. I've been in rule love once...I think...but it didnt work out. You'll know when you have a specail connection with someone you'll feel it. It will be different from sll of the other relationships you've been in.
No
YES THERE IS HOPE!!
I too did not believe that I would find a man that "fit" with me. I had been cheated on, walked out on, etc. etc. 5 years ago I met a man who GOT ME! Respected me from day 1, deals with all my craziness (and lets be honest, i can be kinda crazy) He challenges me to be a better person! He takes care of me but also allows me to be an independant woman! We are opposite from each other which keeps life interesting! He makes me laugh everyday! We just tied the knot in June and I didnt think life could get any better but since we have gotten married our bond has become stronger!
This all may sounds cheesy and too lovey dovey, but TRUST it is not impossible.
girl you just had a carrie bradshaw moment lol
alright so threesomes are a good way to curb cheating, if youre a freak like that. but then in doing that you open up the doors to the never ending cycle that is sure to follow in beating the experience... I'm very on the fence about all that, and it's a long ass convo that just doesn't flow without vodka.
what is cheating? you mean fucking someone else? oral? spending time? kissing? dancing? the boundaries of cheating have been blurry from time. I've had homeboys that have some crazy ass theories on whats ok and whats not, where as all my girls would say 'if I feel violated in any way shape or form that's not cool' (this includes girls calling your mans phone, ex's being in the picture, 'i was drunk i don't remember meeting her' situations and the list goes on).
I'm very weary about getting into a relationship right now, I agree with the ride or die love theory... it sounds great, but technically communism is a good theory on paper lol. I'm just jaded and I don't want to take that out on anyone, it's not fair to them.
I think I hear what you're saying on a 'different' tip, my girls all say I'm a dude trapped in a womans body lol. I'm nowhere near as sensitive as they are when it comes to guys, friends, and that kinda stuff (mind you when my temper comes out it's a lot more intense than I like to let on). i get real deep when it comes to family but that's just my culture (we have pretty similar cultural backgrounds you and i).
aaaaaaaaaand that's my life story lol.
oh shit I didn't even answer your question...
of course there is hope for relationships, I believe in it. I know it's out there. It's just fucking hard to sit here and wait, watching girls take advantage of good guys and vice versa, and trying to listen to the happy people around me and their advice. It's all a matter of honesty, no one wants to lay out their cards on the table, and I for one am tired of telling people all my intimate details just to come to the realization that they're not being real with me. It's fucking hard. But I too have hope.
Most people seem to feel that they need to be matched without change. This promotes selfishness and motivates a want to cheat because they went their "self" to be catered to at all times. "Me, me, me, all important me", is the thought that clouds the mind of a man looking strictly for sex. "Relationships" in those cases are limited to having "relations" with a woman and enjoying the perks. There is no full contribution of their "self".
Read: Keep it 100/100. It breaks down the equal contribution of both parts in a relationship, something that I think is lost. It was written from a man's perspective. Me. lol.
Don't lose hope. There's a lot of fish in the sea. But in most cases your average "fish" isn't what you're looking to catch.
"And you know this.. maaaaaaaaan."
YES there is. The person you get into a relationship with just has to be mature enough and respect whatever you guys have built together to the point where anyone else is off limits. If it sounds like i'm talking about a husband, well i am, but he'll show you if his character is suitable for those expectations before he puts a ring on it. Dont marry a cheater expecting him to change. The whole men will be men thing is a cop out too. Of course, they will find other women attractive, and some men are just naturally 'flirty' but it's a big jump to go from there to emotional cheating or jumping her bones. There is always a chance to stop and ask yourself, is this worth it?. You just gotta find a man that will always answer NO. :)
You have to keep the hope up yourself. As well find that person who wants it as bad as you do ( the relationship with you ) like they say action speak louder than words )
I know one bad experience can ruin it for all the rest you let in your life. But dont let it burden on every men that comes into your life. But yet dont fall too easily. everything takes time.
Where in a 20th century everyone is looking out for themselves first and once they are satisfied with their own lives they are willing to share it with someone else.
RT: lol
Most people seem to feel that they need to be matched without change. This promotes selfishness and motivates a want to cheat because they went their "self" to be catered to at all times. "Me, me, me, all important me", is the thought that clouds the mind of a man looking strictly for sex. "Relationships" in those cases are limited to having "relations" with a woman and enjoying the perks. There is no full contribution of their "self".
Read: Keep it 100/100. It breaks down the equal contribution of both parts in a relationship, something that I think is lost. It was written from a man's perspective. Me. lol.
Don't lose hope. There's a lot of fish in the sea. But in most cases your average "fish" isn't what you're looking to catch.
"And you know this.. maaaaaaaaan."
Dear Neb,
I'm not tryina say you need a regular fish. The average fish is the one you're complaining about and is the bish that I don't need either.
"Regular" just means a cock and 2 balls.
You need the one with the cock, the 2 balls, the brain, and the heart to share it all exclusively with you.
seen?
(I think his name is "Joe Blob" by the way.)
LOL o Bryan
ok so me personally I don't believe the human being was meant to stay with the same person for the rest of their lifes, that's why if that's what you truly want you have to put in a lot of work into your relationship, it's soo easy to cheat or stray away from someone but to keep that fire going, that interest you both have to think of it as a contract where both parties will respect the contract close between 2 partners. In real life it's not all about the lovey dovey scenario you see in movies and that's another problem... but I will stop here
A person isn't meant to stay with one person for their whole lives? What the??
Of course not. That's why you break up with crazy bitches, dump stupid dudes, and stay single for the freedom and fun.
But commitment isn't a contract. That's fucking absurd. Commitment is just your moral responsiveness to being truly in love with someone.
If straying away and cheating was something that you knew your loved one would be okay with and actually support, you are not jeopardizing their love. But knowing that it most definitely would hurt them is reason enough to not do it. You don't stay faithful because your imaginary mental relationship contract states that you've signed away your god forsaken low level contributory life to some other low level misguided, misinformed sloth-like excuse for a lazy lover for an undisclosed period of time, such as "The Rest of Your Life".
Get off that.
And I'll say it again: Commitment is your moral responsiveness to being truly in love with someone.
People who swear off of commitment can stay single forever and play the petty field of swingers and VD distributers all they want. But to assume that people in general are not meant to be with one person for the remainder of their lives starting at whichever point they so choose to commit, is foolish. It's not only foolish, it's applying some barbaric, club-bearing cave dweller mentality onto people who can think and choose for themselves. People like me, who choose to be faithful.
Don't get it twisted folks. Commitment isn't a shackle, a chain and a ball, nicely fashioned for your ankles, your wrists and your balls. It's a decision to share, for as long as it works, your love and life with an exclusive individual.
People who cheat because they don't like the idea of commitment are selfish. They want the cake, they want to eat it, they want to put their genitals all over it, not let anyone else have some, then go and fuck the person who baked it.
People who stay single because they don't like the idea of commitment have morals. And those morals say, I won't fool and buffoon with someone else's feelings for the sake of my personal gain. I'll just let it be known from the beginning: I'm a rampant cake-fucker.
And that's about all I got to say about that shit.
geeezzz I said 'personally' that's my view on the whole relationship thing, and I sincerely wish that one day I will be proven otherwise..maybe it's our generation I lost hope on and not love, I don't know. I respect and agree on most of what you said, I can tell you're a real deep and in touch with your emotions kind of person( I know that by reading your blog that I absolutely love btw) .. I also respect your words, your thoughts, your views, your opinions, it's cool to disagree with someone as long as it's done with respect. I was just responding to a question that was asked with my point of view on that subject and who says that it won't change. Regarding the contract metaphor I was more trying to evoque that in a relationships we have obligations to the other half like respect, honesty, communication and so on, english is not even my second language so maybe I didn't state my opinion correctly...pls don't hate me lol I truely believe in love
I have no idea who be. thelegendsleague is but i whole heartedly agree. I wish more men would think like that, or at least be self aware enough to know they arent quite there yet
woooooooooooooow... Bryan, you said it perfect sir.
I agree, miss lydia, your contract scenario was a poor example and I think you left it at that because it wasn't very well thought out...
Lydia..
you know what it is. ;)
no prollems.
ques song .. if i were a boy ....
Bryan pretty much summed up my thoughts :)
wow all these opinions are AMAZIN .. i LUV u guys :) but i still feel like when i see amazin relationships get ruined cuz of cheatin it makes me feel like there is no hope for mine (my future one) :I
They say that a little bit of dirt doesn't ruin the whole ocean. I say a little bit of pee fucks with the whole pool.
The moral of this comment: I'm not too sure.. but don't go swimming if you have to pee, and don't forget that there are plenty of places to swim if you just look where you haven't been used to looking in the past.
Understood. I appreciate you. A lot.
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