TO: You "Out here in Canada we’ve got a place called, “Tim Horton’s”. And he’s like the biggest drug dealer in our country basically. His coffee is absolute CRACK and his breakfast sandwiches are fast approaching CHRONIC status! I’m at home looking down at this fat belly of mine, ready to sue his ass for doing this shit to me. Jeez. I actually had a cabbie yesterday drop me off at the Tim’s by my daughter’s building and say, “There’s something about this location’s coffee! They put something special in it. I am addicted to this location’s coffee. I can’t stay away!” LMFAO! It was hilarious. So anyhow, they’ve got this thing called, “Roll Up the Rim to WIN”. It’s like a fucking Canadian season basically. Out here we have 3 Seasons: Winter, Roll Up The Rim, and Construction. That’s it. So when you play Roll Up the Rim, you basically buy twice as much coffee as you usually do with the promise and hopes of winning $10,000 in cash, some bullshit car, a TV or something, OR ANOTHER COFFEE!!! They say your odds of winning are 1 in 9, but this year I’m 4 for 10!!! Can you believe that shit?! That’s like Shaq’s freethrow percentage - just better. The other day - you know, the day that I had a job? - yeah, so the other day, my ex-co-worker/friend Jason shows me this device that he has on his keychain. “What the frig is that?”, I ask. Then I decided we’d tape it. (Jason gets camera shy, so Nick replaced him)… Check it out:
Roll Up the Rim from TheLegendsLeague be. on Vimeo.
LOL!! Man, I gotta go on one of those “I’m not gonna drink for 30 days” things again. My neck is looking balloon-ish!
I hate you all for not being honest with my weight. P90X, here I come!!! "
... I died.
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