9/26/09

What's Your Position?

Hello Everyone! My name is Natosh Monroe, you most likely have me on your facebook and constantly ask your self how the Eff' I got there..don't worry *pats you on back gently* I wonder the same damn thing..So a quick introduction on me..I'm here to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God. I'd like to believe I'm a pretty nice girl, friendly, generous, and genuinely interested in the welfare of others. I know this gets lost on some people who meet me because I've been told by the unafraid that I look like a stuck up stank Bitch...really????!?..I'm not..what you may have seen is my happy face..it kind of looks like a mix between a Tdot screwface and indigestion of some sort...I just don't smile alot unless I have a reason too..*shrugs shoulders*...what to do..oh by the way its 4 in the morning..why am I up you ask? Some douchebag scallywag decided it would be a brilliant idea to start a heart to heart via text when I was least alert to respond intelligently past "dskjdjsidisfjjdfkjd"..smh wheredeydodatat?...So onto the post. (BTW have no idea when I will actually post it but i will sometime Saturday)
When I say the words Karma Sutra, what comes to your mind? For some of you images of east Indian hieroglyphic looking couples doing some funky hard to understand sex positions comes to mind causing you to give it all a salty *side glance*. While others are still trying to figure out what a karma surtra is. Well in lamens it’s the art of using a variety of sexual positions that are supposed to enhance your sexual experience and “togetherness”. It’s usually described in a Rosy, politically correct and gynecologist sort of way, but y’all know on THE SEG’..we don’t do all that Bullshizzz. So yeah..if you feel like your sex life needs a lil spice, or if your a freak taco supreme and feel you know it all and want some exclusives, we got that too..
DISCLAIMER!:If you have created any and want to get your sexpert session on leave a comment below and share it with the rest of the readers. And being that national AIDS day happens to fall on June 27th aka my birthday *yay for me* I feel it’s only right that I say this public service announcement: Talking about sex, cracking jokes and laughing at kindergarten penises is all fine and dandy, but sex is a responsible activity performed by consensual adults. If you decide to apply any of these positions in your sex life, use at your own discretion, The Segment is not responsible for anyone busting their asses trying be a porn star. Use a condom K.I.D is no joke..smh. As well as AIDs and STDs..it’s all fun and grams until someone starts to scratch. So without further adieu..Here are some positions..

Missionary Position: The first position we all lost our virginity to..it’s basic, personal and in my opinion shiight..oh what the *beep* is shiiight you ask? A word i created when tipsy to describe a mixture of “shitty and alright”..use it if you like it will never be copy written i just don’t give a ###

What’s HOT: It allows you to look into your loved ones eyes and if you’re tired you don’t have to do anything but lay there while they do all the work. Sounds like a winner if this describes you.

What’s NOT: Well it’s a little basic. Not too much fun if you’re doing all the work, and don’t want to. It’s not that poppin if it’s repetitive and in some cases it feels boring in comparison to other positions

Reverse Cowgirl: This position again is a form of missionary but when the girl gets on top and turn her back toward the dude and rides that way. Some men love this, it’s very impersonal and not as intimate being that you aren’t facing one another...I guess for you one night stand types out there in the audience, this is a must do. As well if he’s not much of a looker this one will work wonders...but then why would you do him?..I guess desperate times, call for desperate measures, I’ll just shut up and mind my got damn business.

Help me out here...but is that one of the teletubbies on a GI Joe...or is that curious George?..I really don't know.

What's HOT: Look above *points above*

What's NOT: Anything done on knees must cause rug burn, darkened knee pigment..so for the beauty queens this can be a problem...other than that..*holds up thumbs*

Doggie Style aka Back Shots: POW!This has got to be a fav for many..who doesn’t like the backas?? But yea so what this is all about is the girl gets down on all fours and cocks up her bumpa’ while the guy does the do from behind. What hole he enters is all up to the girl and her comfort zone...In my world booty is off limits unless you want a black eye..College hill taught me a thing or two about the multiple uses of a Manolo blahnik stiletto to the face, so don’t mess with me..*mean mug*LOL.

P.S.Don't ask me where I found all these wooden freaky toys getting it on...and no I don't have an action figure fetish...I just am trying to be considerate of the more conservative..lol

What's HOT: If you like it rough, fun times.

What's NOT: If you don't a fight may break out.

The Lazy Boy: Okay so have you ever woke up and wanted to get some before you headed off to work but really didn’t want to get all worked up, because quite frankly as horny as you are, you’re just to freaking tired to? Well my child I have the remedy for you. This here is called the lazy boy. It’s basically your boo entering while holding you in a spooning position. All you do is lay side to side and do the do..no one breaks a sweat and everyone gets to work on time...and feeling damn happy the whole morning. P.S. Please fix your hair and make sure your clothes are right side out, cause if i see you ont he train, looking freshly f**ked I will twitpic you with no hesitation sans the captions...smh

What's HOT: *look above*

What's NOT: N/A

The 5-OH frisk down: For those of you with criminal records or just freaky sides you are use to putting pressed up against the wall. Recall the last time five-O rolled up and frisked down your ass with your hands against the wall. Now turn around, minus the po-po and with your man/woman (Best done when man is the one holding the women up, if a woman can pick up her man..*DIES!*..wtf)...now you pick her up by the legs and proceed to dagger with her in the air. You got to get your weight up for this unless you want to drop her. If you are still working out and want to try it anyways, use a counter top for assistance...until you get a little more Diesel..;-)

What's HOT: You always see it being done in those office scenes in the movies. Guy scoops lady up in arms, with the next knocks all mess off desk. It makes you feel like a movie actress..lol

What's NOT: N/A

The Wheel Barrel: Did anyone other than me grow up in a rural suburban town where country music was the shit, and they had annual wheel barrel races at the town fair with the potato sack contest?...*crickets chirps increase* Yea Fak all y’all...don’t judge me...lol..yeah so for the majority of you who live in big cities and never seen a wheel barrel human race let me break it down...One person gets on a hand stand while another person grabs their legs and that person runs using their hands toward the finish line, most seldom meet. So back to the sex part, the girl gets on her hands and legs up, scissor kick spread, (splits if your flexible) and the dude does her like that. Use the wall for support cuz you’re hands can end up getting tired after awhile...not that i’d know or anything..*side glance*

What's HOT: Something new for the flexible

What's NOT: Wrist action, looks painful..kinda like being on a hand stand to long..as well I could imagine alot of blood flowing to the head..ugh I know that sounded weird..but you get it

The Lizard Lock: No fricking clue what this is just heard it on jamaican puppets on youtube and thought it was funny..do you know? If so post below..i gotta hear this shit...lol

Lotto 69: Can't even bother with this one...it's self explanatory..

What's HOT: If you're into oral this is your heaven.

What's NOT: If you're not..duh

Image unavailable use your imagination..to lazy to find it..=)

Like a Virgin: Okay this you got to try. Ladies lie flat on your stomach and put both of your legs together, guy comes from behind and lies on u and enters like that. Your legs stay together his open around yours. It causes your cootchie muscles to tighten and for it to feel tighter to him. If you also clentch, that can increase the fun times, relaxing here and there to give poor dude a min to pause and get it together.

The Butterfly Press: This is when the lady is on her back and puts both her feet around the mans shoulders. While he stands up and enters like so...*points to illustration*..Looks interesting..and no I didn't draw it so hold your graphic design requests..smh...As well this position is said to be a POW for certified stimulation of the womans Gspot or your money back..so test it out...and post a comment..lol..Anonymous is an option too

What's NOT: Hmmmm...maybe the dude standing the whoel time?..I dunno

Well that is all folks...wow its like 5 am ish now...I'm going back to bed...oh yeah I have to post this!...okay THEN..i'm going to bed..Nice to meet you all. Check out my blog HERE..become a follower..be a darling and comment...hate it or love it...Get out below..Kisses!

Tosh

8 comments:

Nicki said...

Great post! I co-sign all of those lol! Here's a great site with some more positions. Some to do with sex and some to do with foreplay. If you click on the pics, the figures actually move!

www.sexinfo101.com
go to the left side of the page under "sex positions"

Reggie said...

LLOOOOOOVVVVVEEEEEEE!!!!!

And Nebby, you never had me as a guest blogger?!?

*jumps on stage like Lil Mama*

Nebby said...

LMAO u wanna guest blog???

Reggie said...

Of course....I love this blog and I would be honored!!!

Nebby said...

ok! send me your idea by email and i'll give you the info ;) oursegment@yahoo.com

Dom Corleone said...

Very informative, Natosh! ;-)

Backshots > [Insert other positions here]

Peace n love.

ChicaGo-Getter said...

LOL! Of course we (dudes) would think that. I;m more interested in finding out the positions females really like

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